Current mood:	...
Current music:	Hungry Heart soundtrack

...goodbye, Yuu and Ai.
Before my last Mutualism story post (COMPLETE LIST), I would like to thank the following people.

chastity_rowan for being my influential yaoi fangirl sister.
caiphas for being my good ol' memory box.
luinthoniel and Mama G for reading my fiction even if they're not yaoi fanatics.
Mama G for being the best beta I've ever known.
sarj_hoshino and star_flare for the constructive criticisms, they really meant SO MUCH to me.
And my other readers: kikiam, saihara, zanshi aki_yuki, mahiwaga, nvr_existed, kszusza, kisho Crimson, Ashley (Crimson's hostess, I think), Roca, Tracy, Vain and Glory, Christine, my poor Economics teacher, and a lot of other people who read but don't tell me they exist (Please comment and introduce yourselves, being anonymous is okay). I love you all.
nekoism for the fabulous support.
To the gay couple in Robinsons Galleria that inspired this fic.
My parents for DSL and my brother for the annoying gunbound background music.

But I would still be posting a timeline of their relationship afterwards, followed by some fanart I made. Wait, not SOME; I made DOZENS of fanart of the seme and uke. I just love them both so much, it's been a great summer for me, and I just gave everything for this series. Reading all your comments just made me so happy and fulfilled, like I'm finally doing the right thing.

I pose a challenge for you, though. After you read this, I ask you a favor. Please type a meaningful comment. It doesn't have to be super-duper long, just meaningful. Corrections and criticisms are BEGGED for, but flames will be laughed at and scorned. Just a meaningful comment. If you find it too hard, then...just a sentence or something.

Oh god this was painful to write. I suggest checking the COMPLETE LIST in case you missed some chapters.

MIDNIGHT CONVERSATIONS
Author: Mushroom
Summary: A series of conversations between the uke and the seme.
Notes: This covers the entire Mutualism series/the two complete arcs. It's too bad LJ does not accept other fonts; I used other kinds of writing for specific reasons you shall realize later.



MESSAGING

It was ‘twenty-eight’ when we stepped outside
It was hard to look at others; you see
It’s alright to come out sometimes.
It may burn our eyes, but
It’s all right to stare at the sun.

[1:56 am]
[You have just received a message. View? Yes | No]
[Yuuuuu96] Damn, got disconnected. You still there?
[Ai_] Unfortunately
[Yuuuuu96] I love you, too. Watcha doin’ right now?
[Ai_] Checking my mail. Hey, there’s one from you…didn’t see that before
[Yuuuuu96] What
[Ai_] ”BEDROOM TIPS AND GRIPS” ?!!! What the fuck are you trying to imply here?!
[Yuuuuu96] Just thought we needed some expert advice, heh :D
[Ai_] And this was dated two weeks ago…you sent it when we were still on hostile grounds? Honestly!
[Yuuuuu96] I was kinda denying reality that time. Pretended like nothin happened.
[Ai_] Seems like it made no effect to you at all
[Yuuuuu96] It did! I was so depressed that I even TALKED to that banshee from you office
[Yuuuuu96] *your
[Ai_] Heh
[Ai_] Really?
[Yuuuuu96] Really. I needed to know what’s been happening to you coz I was too afraid to ask you myself…
[Yuuuuu96] Pathetic, I know.
[Ai_] No
[Ai_] I was just waiting, that time. I saw you. I waited for you to approach me
[Ai_] Was too scared to come near you
[Yuuuuu96] were you scared because of what I did to you, or scared because of what I would say?
[Ai_] The latter
[Ai_] Or maybe both
[Ai_] I dunno
[Yuuuuu96] Why should you be scared of what I think? I was the bastard who did that shit.
[Ai_] I think we need a moderator to lessen the swearing
[Yuuuuu96] Heeeeyyy be serious.
[Ai_] :P
[Ai_] Sorry
[Ai_] I just don’t want us to fight again. It gets old.
[Yuuuuu96] I was really depressed you know. Wanted to choke myself. BUT I don’t want you to feel guilty because I’m the one who’s supposed to feel guilty so don’t mess with me when it comes to that, k?
[Ai_] Ok. :D
[Yuuuuu96] …Watcha doin now?
[Ai_] Reading
[Yuuuuu96] Is it work? Am I bothering you?
[Ai_] Work?
[Ai_] You can say that. But you’re not bothering me
[Yuuuuu96] I have this pile of books to read, too. Stuff about skyscrapers, need it fornext photoshoot. Kinda boring stuff, like those crap you read
[Ai_] What I’m reading is not boring, asshole.
[Yuuuuu96] What’s that anyway?
[Yuuuuu96] A Book on ‘How to be a stuffy bookworm’ Volume 87?
[Yuuuuu96] lol
[Ai_] Even better
[Ai_] An e-mail with an attachment that came from a sick, sad person
[Ai_] ”BEDROOM TIPS AND GRIPS”
[Ai_] :) Very interesting read. Might want to try it sometime
[Yuuuu96] ffsg32gsdhgiu
[Yuuuu96] hy
[Yuuuu96 signed out.]

[2:05 am]
[You have just received a message. View? Yes | No]
[Yuuuu96] HEY YOU
[Ai_] Yes? :)
[Yuuuu96] I WANT
[Yuuuu96] YOU.
[Yuuuu96] NOW.
[Ai_] My release is on 3
[Ai_] Feel free to entertain yourself by then. :D
[Yuuuu96] Please?
[Ai_] I never knew you exemplified courtesy
[Ai_] Ok, since you insist
[Yuuuu96] I do I do
[Ai_] Feed the cat for me
[Yuuuu96] I did I did
[Ai_] See you :)
[Ai_ signed out.]
[Yuuuuu96 signed out.]


Mail

Words; read my piece
I had to show you what I felt.
‘Twenty-four’ means something, ‘course.
You can see it clearly
Here in my writing.

March 39
Office desk, some abandoned island

Everdearest roommate,

It’s really boring in here. You’ll probably say that sunsets are supposed to soothe the soul but it rather feels like swimming in vomit; the sun’s damaging rays are giving me headaches when I peer through the lens (although I do have delicious tanned skin right now). I’ve done nothing but take pictures of women in bikinis for that stupid magazine. (Is that a blush of jealousy I sense on your cheeks? Most likely.) All the models tried to flirt with me and I flirted back by saying that their protruding boobs were creeping me out. Straight to the point, no explanations, just that. They were all: “Are you free for tonight?” and I replied, “No thanks, I have a pretty boy waiting for me back home.” They all looked scandalized; it was fun seeing their faces twist in horror. (I don’t think prejudice is infuriating anymore…I already find it funny). The girls called me a liar, but it was clear that they were the ones who were lying to themselves. I know, I know, it’s bad to be feeling good when you break someone’s heart. But their expressions erased all thoughts of pity. I decided to place your picture on my desktop the next day, for everyone to see, so that I wouldn’t have to explain myself if other people started asking me out on dates (You know, the one where you were clad in nothing but cotton socks while rocking out with your guitar. The guitar was positioned in a deliberate place for your benefit and my loss. I’m sorry, you were too cute, so I just had to click away). Just kidding, I didn’t make it my desktop, although I did place it in my wallet, and for some unknown reason it ended up in the Lost and Found box. Somebody must’ve found it.

Our project is almost done but the rest of my colleagues keep complaining. They got quite used to the beach vacation thing, y’see. As for me, everything sucks (This is a fucked-up test for a love letter, so allow me to write a good introduction). Yes, everything sucks because you’re NOT here. Nobody’s here to massage my back, nag about smelly socks and seduce me with pouty lips. I AM SUFFERING FROM UNRESOLVED SEXUAL URGES, which is just such a shame y'know. I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. The room I’m sharing with one of my office mates (Now don’t get jealous again, he’s married) is such a waste bin that even the paid janitress refuses to enter. I’ve tried to remember all your clean-up teachings by heart but somehow if you’re gone then cleaning up makes no sense, because I only hold broomsticks to impress you and scare the little children. Don’t you feel so loved?

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you a letter when it’s more convenient to send this through e-mail. Believe me, writing is hard work. I wonder how you manage to write those insanely long novels of yours without even stretching your arms. I had extra sheets to drabble on before finalizing this letter, just so that you can view it with its entire splendor, minus various scratched-out sentences (Speaking of writing, do I write like a girl? My boss seems to think so. Or maybe because she writes as if her pen’s a mile long). Anyways, I’m digressing again, and it’s bad to ramble. Okay, so I decided to write to you when I found out that one of our neighbors was here. Pretty convenient, huh? I wanted to give you something I made on my own while I’m away in this piece of shit. He said that it was alright if I handed you something through him. I don’t really care if he reads it on the way home, I don’t care if the whole world reads this friggin letter but in case you see that the envelope has been ripped quite carefully then I suggest we tell his mother. Works all the time.

What is this gift, you ask? So I was really bored. Then I started thinking of you, and suddenly a smile plays on my lips. Yes, maybe it’s more like a smirk, but it's still a smile nonetheless (you know me too well). Thinking of you makes me feel comfortable and happy all at once, so I decided to let out my feelings on paper. You be the judge of these feelings. Hope you like ‘em. I’m sure you won’t. =) (Smileys are quite love-lettery, doncha think?) You should be proud that I end up being corny because of my insane love for you. Anyways…

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. (Yes, I can COUNT! =)) Or more like, (What I love about thee. Or why I love thee. Shit this is crap.)

1. I love it when you say “thank you”. Go look at yourself in the mirror and see what I mean. Focus on the lower half of your face.
2. I love it when you pout. It’s not childish or annoying, it makes me wanna…wanna…go to the nearest secluded corner to compose myself.
3. I love it when you call me “YOU IDIOTIC, FUCKING BASTARD etc. etc.” I just love it when a guy releases his emotions in various unique ways.
4. During the time I was depressed over the complete eradication of my SUPER S400 Binoculars (Remember? The one our best friend accidentally hurled off the bus window during the ride home?), you were telling me that I was an idiot for being so emotional, but the next day you constructed another pair of binoculars with cardboard paper and new lens. I have it with me right this moment.
5. I love you because when you mismatch your socks, you shrug all shame aside and say that it’s your own style. You wear outfits that would outrage most ordinary people, but your style is the best. They’re just jealous of your confidence.
6. Home was horrible to me and all I wanted was to let go of everything. You didn’t reprimand me or give one of those sappy advice. You just listened. And when I was done ranting, you just stared into my eyes and told me that I sucked. Maybe you forgot all about that, but I never did.
7. I love it when you ONLY don a white sando and brown shorts. You’re the reason why I love rainy days. Rain, rain, come again!!!
8. Your hair is weird in a nice way. It’s weird because you’re the only person I know with natural red hair, and it’s nice because I’m so lucky to have actually seen a redhead. The way some strands fall on your face when you tie your hair makes me crumple up like a clump of Kleenex. Then you’ll tuck them at the back of your ears, giving me the sight of your nape, and the world implodes, just like that. And it smells great, too. I should know, because I always wake up with a mouthful of your red hair.
9. You laugh like a hyena. Which is a good thing, of course. It’s not like those usual laughs that make poets go “laughter that makes even inanimate objects listen’ or ‘laughter like ringing bells’. I mean, this is REALITY, so if a laugh sounded like bells then it won’t really sound that lovely, more like horror film effects. (Sorry, I just can’t understand poets like you). Anyways, you laugh like a hyena, and because of that I’m addicted to it. Let me explain: you laugh like no one’s looking or listening to check if they’re similar to church bells or not. You laugh so openly and warmly and it makes me want to laugh so hard that I might spit out my intestines on the floor. Everything’s funnier when you’re laughing along with me.
10. I love the way you eat your bananas (No sexual innuendo, I promise). You tear off the skin perfectly; peel it so SLOWLY that even the most patient man in the universe would file a lawsuit. Then you take a bite, a very small one. You lick your lips (my favorite part), grab a bread knife to spread some peanut butter on the bitten portion, then take another bite. Sometimes you even use your fork and cut them into tiny pieces, and then you feed some to me. That’s just breathtaking, man.
11. I love how you blink your eyes. You blink when you’re confused and sleepy, and I love confused and sleepy people. I’d see grey, then when you blink, those girly eyelashes you have that contradict your scruffy face, then the grey again. You never blink too many times, or use it for making faces (though I admit it can be used for bribing me, NOW I just gave you an idea). Yup, your blinking skills are just right.
12. Even what you call your “flaws” make me insane. You say that one of your biggest weaknesses is being a clean-up freak...but I kind of admire that in you. A guy with an unhealthy yet amusing obsession makes me weak in the joints. Another flaw: You cry too easily. I think that if a person cries openly then he’s actually showing courage. It takes damn guts to admit that you feel hurt, too. Am I making sense? I don’t want to see you cry, though…might beat up someone. Besides, you look like a snot-faced beaver when you cry.
13. I love the way you say “Damn you”, especially in bed. It keeps me going.
14. You pelted me with a plethora of insults and blows when we were fifteen. Now we’re several years older and you still inflict me with the same abuse. Yet you’ve stayed with me for a very long time, even if you say those things. Consistency is a gem.
15. I practically show all my feelings for you, but you just smile back and say (insert random swear word), and for some strange and warped reason I find it really sexy.

SEE?! See how much I’ve fallen for a rhetoric exhibitionist like yours truly?

I’M FRIGGIN’ IN LOVE WITH YOU DAMNIT!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!

Yes, it’s your entire FAULT. I’m supposed to be enjoying such a heavenly place, the warmth of the sand and the heat of the waves, but NO, because of you I’m stuck here writing a foolish love letter to a guy that really means so much to me but would rather boil his own head in a volcano before admitting that he likes me back. Do you see my predicament now? Why do you have to be so damn PERFECT, anyway? (I’m not sure if you’ll feel flattered by my claims but I’m sure that you’ll want to reply so PLEASE REPLY). I’m dying in here. There’s no one to talk to except my SUPER S400 Binoculars; at least you have your feline friend to accompany you. NOW I’m jealous. When did this love thing exist? I was so happy back then when we were eighteen; we would just punch each other innocently and end up pushing each other down the bed…okay, I made that one up. But I dreamt it. Yep, it was much better when I was an eighteen-year-old with dreams.
But who am I kidding anyway? I don’t need friggin’ dreams. What I need is a reply and an admittance of love coming from my everdearest roommate.

Your sexy boy toy,
ME

P.S. So that’s that; I gave fifteen examples of love and adoration. When we first met I sincerely wished that I could just smash you with a nine-pound hammer. It’s ironic that the only thing I want to smash against your body nowadays is my OWN body. Hehe.
P.P.S. Enclosed here is a picture of me with my bronze skin (you can stop drooling now). Due to unforeseen circumstances a bunch of women posed beside me, hence the look of total irritation on my face. I hope you’re not too jealous.
P.P.P.S. If you want to kill me, at least grant me a proper burial and visit it once a year.

To: thatfamousguy@yahoo.com
From: zigeuner@yahoo.com
Subject: Die, mortal.

April 1
Very far from your location, you should hope

To that famous-because-he’s-such-an-eyesore guy,

So you’re bored, huh? Here’s a piece of advice: GET A LIFE. If you have nothing to do then DO something productive, at least. That’s what you’re here for, to be an organized and fruitful boarder of this world. I understand that this juvenile tactic of yours was made to capture my attention, what with all the mentions of women in bikinis and other roommates. Listen, I DO NOT CARE AT ALL. Why the hell should I care about the effects of the opposite sex in your mind swarming with lewd ideas? You even hampered our poor neighbor by sending your letter to my hands. AND MY (Almost) NAKED BODY AS COMPUTER WALLPAPER?! What kind of a sick, perverted joke is that?! I am going to kill you, don’t worry. No effing burial. Your keeping it in your wallet isn’t compensation at all. YOU PERVERT. You’re right, I think you’re absurd.
About that list you made, I appreciate the effort, but it’s a crime that the ink and paper were wasted for such triviality. Let me explain my views accordingly:
1. I do not “focus” on any body part when facing a mirror. That’s narcissism. We don’t mesh.
2. I do NOT pout. I frown. There’s a difference between putting your eyebrows together and acting childish.
3. I call you what I call you because that is what I think of you. I’m a very frank person.
4. I only assembled binoculars for you because you were whining like an immature brat. Had enough, apparently.
5. I DO NOT outrage our neighbors with my get-ups. You’re the one who insists on wearing unbuttoned polo shirts and low waist baggy pants that expose your yellow-spotted boxer briefs while walking down the park.
6. You really DO suck.
7. You horny bastard.
8. My hair is not entirely red—that’s impossible. It’s a more like auburn, actually.
9. Hyenas do not laugh. Have you checked your local library lately?
10. Bananas are meant to be eaten that way, you idiot.
11. You even notice that?! Just how crazy are you?
12. I’m not a CRYBABY, if that’s what you’re implying.
13. I don’t talk while sleeping.
14. You’re the one who has been clinging on me all this time, leech.
15. I don’t smile at idiots. I merely pity them.

If it will make you feel better; I’m sorry for being so perfect. I’m weeping and gnashing my teeth right this very moment. So you called me a pretty boy in front of a whole crowd of giggly models. Why thank you. I find you pretty as well. PRETTY STUPID. And an admittance of love, hah! No way. I can’t believe I’ve stuck with you all these years. Oh, and please don’t write letters again. You’re an abomination to Elizabeth Barret Browning. Think of all those poor historical poets.

Your master,
ME

P.S. April Fool’s!
P.P.S. Attached in this e-mail is a picture of yours truly and our cat. Normally I wouldn’t take a picture of myself because the world hates me, but I decided to fool around with the digital camera and here is the end result. You make me corny too, you daft idiot.
P.P.S. I’ll be preparing a nice warm bath for your return. A bath with ME in it. Everything at home is furnished and ready; all I need is someone to mess it up all over again. Would you like to volunteer? I’d love it, thanks.

To: ziguener@yahoo.com
From: thatfamousguy@yahoo.com
Subject: I can’t spell your e-mail right all the time, damnit.

My fucking hot roommate,
I knew you were looking at it. Never knew you had a pervert in you. (Check #5. How else would you know how my boxer briefs looked like?) The picture you sent me is placed in my desktop, and now I am inspired enough to master Minesweeper!

For the first time (after staring at your face for a full three hours, making everybody think that I had a heat stroke) I realized that your eyes aren’t grey. They’re more like…clouds. Whitish-bluish-kind-of-gray. Or something, which kinda makes me sound like some girl. I don’t know much about colors, you’re the resident artist. But they’re awesome. And you have the same eye color as our cat. Our cat has black fur. Adding up all these evidence, I can finally conclude:

The cat is our bloodchild.

Or bloodcat, whatever. Come to think of it, the cat has your wide eyes and my smooth black hair. It has my cleverness, my sexy appeal, my liking for scratching and licking and hahahah. It loves purring, just like you (when you’re sleeping). Oh god, you just gave birth to an ANIMAL. WITH A TAIL. I wonder how we made him…I’m guessing it was the night we watched West Side Story. We were so bored we ended up laughing at the ballerina gangsters and imitating their dance moves, remember? Then you started purring while snapping your fingers, and that was when I decided to execute what Tony probably wanted to do with Maria throughout the entire movie. Damn it, I really want to go home. When I go home I’ll buy a sofa bed.

You know, we should have a family picture. Me, you, and the cat, sitting on the bed, holding chopsticks while eating instant noodles, followed by another shot of us, this time taken horizontally.

Feeling homesick and anticipating baths,
ME

PS. So what if the world hates you? I love you so damn much, and I’m the ruler of the universe. Tcha.

NOTES

I burn the back of your head, and
Shiver
Was deeply confused at ‘Twenty’, to
Realize
You seated in front of me distracts me so.

What’s our homework again
Wow, polite as always
Sorry. Can you please give me our homework?
Page 234-237. Weren’t you listening? you moron
I was thinking of another addition to my “Annoy my friend to death” list, couldn’t concentrate heheh
If someone sees this then we’re both dead, asshole. But you’ll die first because I’m going to kill you then
That’s nice
Career talk? What the fuck why do we need that
There’s something called the FUTURE, you know. GOALS. You want another one? GETTING JOBS. Does that ring a bell?
I’m rich and handsome anyway
Fuck you
Flattery will get you nowhere
Shut up. If someone sees this… Stop passing notes like an immature third-grade schoolgirl
But I don’t have a career. What could I say?
You could tell him “I want to be a fireman” or something corny like that
Shit. Do I look like a fireman to you?
firemen aren’t rich and handsome No.
What do you think suits me in the future? All-powerful businessman? Professional soccer player? Astronaut? Legendary secret agent?
How about featuring yourself in Ripley’s?
They give loads of cash for insane people who do insane antics there
Be serious, it’s my FUTURE we’re talking about here. What do YOU want to be?
What have I got to do with your career?
Because you’re THAT important to me. Heheh. Just tell me, damnit.
Don’t laugh. I want to be an artist. Just that
Naturally. You draw everywhere, walls, cubicles…etc
I don’t vandalize you sicko
Anyways, being an artist is okay, what you’ve always dreamed of
You have dreams. Then tell the career guide what you want. What are your hobbies?
Besides infuriating my conservative friend, you mean? :)
I like taking pictures. Of you, especially
Yeah, I even remember you insisting to take every angle of my bleeding ankle during our field trip, you sadistic freak
Okay then. I’ll be a photographer
That’s fast.
:D
Are you sure you’re writing to me because of homework? Seemed like you wanted to tell me something
Oh yeah. Nothing important, really
I thought so.
You ass. Okay, so I just want you to stop biting your lip like that
You mean like what I’m doing now?
Yeah
Why?
It’s my mannerism
And we’re supposed to be working on our project, if you’ve forgotten. I bite my lip when I’m thinking
It’s annoying me
Or distracting me
Why?
Well, for one thing I can’t concentrate and I end up glancing at you looking stupid while biting your lip. You really look like an idiot. I can’t stand it
That’s not a good reason, I do it all the time and now you’re complaining
Damn it, just stop
Why the hell should I follow you? You bastard!
When you bite your lip you look like you’re sucking on a microphone
Is that supposed to be an insult, you unspeakable ass-chock?
Damn it I might lunge at you.
Okay I’ll stop, if it will make you stop passing notes
No don’t stop I changed my mind I was just kidding about looking stupid
What the fuck damn you can’t you think straight shit see you quick throw this away our professor is com

PHONECALLS

A clap on the back; a friendly hug
Simple things I look forward
To; when ‘Seventeen’ comes
Which is just silly, because
It’s nothing, really.


“…and so I broke up with her yesterday.”

“Let me get this straight: you dragged her inside the gym full of practicing basketball club members and told her off, thus making her storm out of the gym a few seconds later? That’s how you broke up?”

“Quite climactic, huh?”

“You big arse!”

“Hey, I’m not even done yet! Y’see, she didn’t even give me time to explain. As soon as I told her to meet me at the gym she started speculating about dramatic break-up scenes and all those movie shit. I haven’t even spoken yet, but she was the ONE who told me off. Said that if I wanted OVER then I should’ve told her right away. The girl made a big scene that attracted everyone’s attention and fucking walked out on me as if I said something heartbreaking—“

“But you DID plan on breaking up with her, right?”

“Yeah, but not on that place! I was just asking her to help me carry my stuff. I planned on breaking her heart on some secluded corner where we could have some privacy. Damn, her voice echoed across the whole gym, and she went I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME, I KNEW YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE” yaddayaddafuck.”

“You’ve just been a victim of a foul plan, I believe. She doesn’t want to feel rejected so she broke up with you ahead of time. Now you’re the one who’s going to look bad in school.”

“Damn her. Well, the whole school’s on my side anyway, damn bitch.”

“It’s not nice to curse ex-girlfriends.”

“Who ever said I’m nice?”

“Why’d you court her in the first place if you weren’t serious?”

“Right.” *SIGH* “…the whole affair was a joke from the very beginning. I felt compelled to have a girlfriend because…well…”

“…if you don’t want to tell me, its fine—”

“NO! I want to tell you. I just don’t want you to remember bad memories.”

“…Ahh. Now I get it. Does it have something to do with our best friend?”

“Why do you still call him that? He’s a fucker.”

“It’s not nice to badmouth ex-friends, either.”

“Hmmph. Yeah, so when our so-called “best friend” left us I thought of getting a girlfriend just so he would come back. I think he hates it when we ignore girls, so I decided to grab myself one. Besides, you were so miserable when he started hanging out with someone else…just couldn’t stand seeing you gloomy. I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THE FRIGGIN’ RIGHT TO MAKE YOU GLOOMY!”

“Thank you for the undying support *COUGH*…I was stupid back then, so you shouldn’t mind me. I can take care of myself. But then…I really thought he was my best friend. He was the only one who talked to me in class when I was a newcomer. I was…happy.”

“…Same here. I really felt comfortable around him.”

*SIGH* “What you just did wasn’t nice, either. Thanks for wanting to be the only ass in my life, but you shouldn’t have used your ex-girlfriend.”

“Yeah, I know. But I really didn’t think I was using her back then. I thought that I really you know, LOVED her. I’m just not capable of loving after all.”

“Hah! What happened to the ol’ romantic you? What happened to your ‘I am the Knight, and she is the FAIR LADY, and I shall save her from the DRAGON! Now the beast is dead, there SHALL NEVER BE A DRAGON IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AGAIN!’ Enter sloppy smooches.”

“But there WAS a dragon.”

“Oh really? What? Or should I say, WHO?”

“…I’M the dragon.”

“…Oh.”

“…”

“…”

“Are you still there?”

“You know...”

“What?”

“…Personally, I think dragons are cool.”

“….?!”

“Dragons are very mysterious creatures. They may be stubborn and possessive, but they’re clever and fascinating.”

“They are?”

“Yup.”

“…Thanks.”

“Cheer up, idiot. It’s nothing. That’s why I hate romance. Look at me, young, single and what society would call a ‘lone wolf with no mate’. But I don’t care. I’m happy.”

“Yeah. Entering romantic relationships is hard. Besides, all those sweet talk crap and Valentine’s Day gifts and hearts…they’re hell on earth, honestly.”

“Hey, for once we agree on something.”

“Yeah. NO TO ROMANCE! NO TO INTIMACY~!!!”

“Stop screaming on my ear, you overzealous piece of—“

“Hey, have an idea. Let’s make a bet. If one of us gets hitched, he should give up something. I’ll give up my future residence and dignity.”

“Bets are dull. Let’s just make a pact. We should both stay single yet successful. Whoever is the first one who gets hitched among the both of us gets to parade naked on the streets.”

“That’s terrific!!! Prepare to lose, stink-ass.”

“You’re the one who has a past relationship, worm.”

“Looks like we’ll both win. Us two blokes? Falling in love with some shit? Hah! Too much shit in this world to care about love.”

“Yeah. Got no room anymore. Anyways, just look at my parents, marriages always end up badly—“

“—and they end up berating their children for their mistake. Same old thing, isn’t it?”

“…everything’s just stupid.”

“…Hey. Do you still feel lonely sometimes?”

“Lonely? What for?”

“You know. That your parents are gone and all that.”

“…I dunno.”

“Sometimes I think…which is better? If your parents are with you, but they wish you were never born…or if they leave you all by yourself to fuck with total strangers?”

“…”

“Sorry. Was I too harsh?”

“You shouldn’t compare your experiences with mine.”

“I’m sorry…yeah. I really am sorry.”

“…How ‘bout you? Do you feel sad too?”

“’Course not. They can never break through this brick wall, right here.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be tough when you’re talking to me, y’know.”

“I know. But I don’t feel sad anymore. More like hatred. I want to watch them die.”

“…”

“Enough muttering about senseless memories. Let’s just do something for tonight?”

“Like what?”

“Sleep over our house tonight. Everybody’s gone—good riddance—except the maids and the butlers. We’ll set up a tent at our
garden. Discover mosquitoes. Go hunt for squirrels or something. Fishing, yeah! Stupid guy stuff.”

“Nobody’s here, too. Okay.”

“Besides, I just want to talk to you. Don’t ask me why. I just like—I mean, let’s just talk about stuff. Is that okay?”

“…Of course it is. Fine. We’ll chat while roasting marshmallows.”

“…Not to mention while swatting mosquitoes and observing their gleaming red blood splattered on the tent wall.”

“Hah, no wonder you can’t handle relationships. You’re so unromantic.”

“Why? Am I supposed to be romantic during a camping activity? …With you?”

“…just forget it. I’ll head there later. See ya.”

“Okay. See ya. But do you really think I’m not fit for roman—”

CLICK.



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END

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Poems taken from A Collection of the Weirdest Romantic Poems in History by Mushroom.