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Entry tags:	defeating commander jonathan johnson, original

*sigh*

Defeating Commander Jonathan Johnson, Mission Five

Author: Mushroom
Rating: PG-13 (OMFG is it true?!)
Summary: The time has come for the truth. If our legendary hero Dave Austin utters the password, he shall enter the surreal world to rescue his beloved. But there is a certain energy that is stopping him from reaching the finale.
Notes: Many thanks to chastity_rowan for the help with all the geeky stuff. Dedicated to luinthoniel. Disclaimer: All geeky stuff, ideas and quotes were spawned by other greater people than moi.

Quite a serious-then-silly chapter. ^_^ Foreshadowing, uh-huh…

(Help: Look at the sidebar for the past missions)



MISSION FIVE: ATTACK WITH EXTREME CAUTION


***

“You’re not trained to deal with emotions, so you’re afraid of them.” – Farscape


And the Commander said, “The boy is MINE!”

But our fearless hero held his lightsaber tightly, barely escaping the flying shards, which almost sliced his head off. “NEVER! He’ll NEVER be yours! You’re just a glittery poster stuck on a wall with rusty thumb tacks, and you shall be stuck there FOREVER! I can just rip you off and it’ll be GAME OVER, Commander SPANDEX!”

The fighting ensued. Commander Jonathan Johnson never even lifted a finger during their battle; he only used his mind power as ice shards appeared out of nowhere, ready to strike. Dave Austin was performing terribly in the battlefield; the blades of frozen water were just too many, and he was slowly losing stamina.

It was ridiculous then; dreaming about a desolate cliff of despair, clutching at the edges with little courage left. Dave knew he was dreaming and waited for the stabs of consciousness, but while he strayed in the dream world the desire to prove himself grew stronger than ever. He actually entertained such idiocy, embraced his inner geek, held and actually acknowledged the presence of an absurd and unlikely weapon—the light saber—to defeat his rival in a climactic battle. It was a dream with a boat of chance; maybe he can control the tide somehow, and then he’ll win. Sure, he might wake up afterwards and feel quite sick, but it felt comforting to actually triumph, even if it was just whipped up by his imagination.

“Use the Force, Davie honey! Use the Force!” A far-away voice that suspiciously sounded like his mother urged him. Dave glared at no one in particular.

“To hell with your FORCE!!! I don’t even believe in the Force! I don’t even want this! I don’t…want…THIS!!!”

“Do not deny the power you hold, Dave Austin.” Commander Jonathan Johnson boomed. He lifted his finger and made random movements in the air, and the shards crystallized and followed the pattern he was making, a pattern set to kill. “It is futile fighting against me…I know your strengths, your weaknesses…”

Dave shielded himself from the blasts with his light saber, and gritted his teeth. “Yeah, right! How would you know?! I don’t even talk to you!”

“Believe me, I know,” said the raspy voice, “Because…I AM YOUR FATHER!”

“What the—FUCK YOU!!!” Tears blinded him. “You’re NOT MY FATHER! FUCK YOU! FUCK—“

An ice shard penetrated his heart and he fell like a dead thing. He could hear the distant triumphant laughter of the Commander, and the sparkles from his suit caused his eyes great pain. There were blood and tears…everywhere. He was crushed. He lost.

It was a dream that felt real. Or maybe a premonition, begging him to give up while he still had the chance. Dave Austin was unable to control himself in the nightmare because there were mentions of memories he wanted to dismiss as ‘stupid insecurities’. It felt real because he lost and he loses every time, though he still keeps trying, trying, and hoping foolishly.

He woke up.

Dave’s eyes still burned with the sight of the sparkly spandex, and the Commander Jonathan Johnson action figure situated on the bed table beside him grinned in victory. Something foul passed through his nostrils and he threw off his stinky, damp shoes on the floor and waited for peaceful sleep.


***


“I always give myself such very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.” - Alice In Wonderland


Dave got up a few minutes later, after staring at the bare wall. His back was sweating profusely and his bladder was full. He glanced down at Colin who slept quietly beside him, cuddling a Legolas pillow, and sauntered towards the bathroom to relieve himself.

When he was done he went back and stopped for a moment to observe the room they shared. There were posters of The Liberation Frontier of Showers and Star Trek on the wall (McKoy was actually leering at him everywhere he went, the bitch) and dozens of action figures on the cabinet, posed for combat (Buzz lightyear’s head and legs were missing). On the unoccupied beds were CDs, comic books, graphic novels, manga, Colin’s dear laptop and three huge piles of school books and ‘for dummies’ ones. Even their television and telephone were furnished with Pokemon stickers.

There was no trace of a boy named “Dave Austin” living in their dorm room. Even his clothes and hockey sticks were stacked under the bed. If you were a random visitor, you would think that Colin lived alone. But someone named—what was it again? Oh right—Dave Austin stays in this room, look, here’s his toothbrush!

I had a dream about Commander Jonafuck. And he said a lame Darth Vader line.

But it hurt me, what he said.

For the first time since his father’s death, he felt a pang of sadness. He never felt so weird, so estranged before.

I’m not going to reduce myself into a morose piece of shit. Dave walked back to their bed. He smiled when he saw Colin’s sleeping face, snorted when he spotted drool dripping down his chin, and crawled next to him (very softly, as not to wake him up). Dave wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tight, and he felt comfort in Colin’s touch. However, Dave knew that he might wake up and smack him on the head, so he quickly drew his arms back and inhaled the foreign air.

(A while ago, before he came in the room, he caught Colin looking sadly at his books, pretending to be studying. Usually when Dave comes home he is welcomed by a beaming Colin, reading a Liberation novel while sipping a brimming cup of coffee. But now his face looked so lonely; his glasses were fogged and he was biting his lip, and that was when Dave realized that they were both growing up, now that they were angsting a lot and worrying over things—adult things. Times were different now. They yearned for new knowledge, thought of future prospects, planned their careers…and it saddened him a bit, to think that they were slowly leaving childhood. All he knew was that he wanted to grow up seeing Colin drinking coffee inside a bedroom they shared, Colin looking outside their window, Colin reading books, Colin laughing—and snorting, though he wishes he’ll overcome his weird habit soon enough—loudly, Colin taking showers, Colin sleeping peacefully. That was a future he wanted to see, a future that was now. While Dave mused he realized that he left his youth without even noticing, but little did he know he already crossed that stage when he fell.)


***

"Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons." -- Spock, to Kirk, refusing a hug (Star Trek V)



“They’re HERE!!!” Colin pounced at Dave and they landed on the bed, Dave still in his boxers and Colin holding up a plastic bag. They both began laughing heartily and Colin eagerly ripped off the plastic with childlike fervor. “Oh look, Dave, it’s your costume! It’s kinda stretchable too…” He stretched the cloth with exaggerated movements to elaborate. “Oh goody, you’ll look great!”

“Wait, who am I supposed to be again?” Dave asked hurriedly after his eyes landed on the silky material. Colin stood up and held the outfit up proudly. Dave gaped.

It was spandex. It was silver. It was…sparkly.

“C-C-Commander BOZO?! Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND?!” Dave tried to yank it off but Colin held it at iron grip. The redhead skipped a few paces further from Dave and looked at him with a dazzling grin.

“Oh, it’ll be fun! Y’see, Commander Jonathan Johnson has black hair, right? Well, I thought of cosplaying him but I have red hair, and I don’t want to dye my hair coz I’ll just look stupid, plus you’re taller than me and Commander Jonathan Johnson is tall. And you have brown hair too! Brown is closer to black than red. So I knew you’d be a perfect Commander Jonathan Johnson.”

“Hey, you mentioned his full name three times! Isn’t that a speech disorder or something?”

“DAVE!”

“W-W-WHY HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!” Dave sputtered, eyes rolling madly. “Why can’t I just be…a random movie extra? I’ll be one of the guys who get stepped on by Godzilla. Oh wait, I could be the guy in the popcorn stand! Every movie freak loves popcorn…”

Colin hugged the costume tightly and wrapped it around his neck, which made Dave ogle and envy it. “My crewmates and I created a guild, a kind of cosplay group. We all completed the characters in certain shows and stuff. I already told them that you’ll be Commander Jonathan Johnson, so you can’t back out now! Everyone’ll be there, the Kaldop apprentice, Reynaldo Phoenix, the Doom-jecters, even the Princess of Jamalia…so if the Commander is missing then the whole cosplay event will be ruined!”

He glared back in return. “NO WAY. I’m NOT. GOING. TO. COSPLAY. IN. GLEAMING. SPANDEX. Go find some loser who’d love to volunteer for tights. But me? Uh-uh. That’s way out of line, Colin.” Dave slumped back on the bed and ran a hand through his hair.

After a pregnant pause (in which Dave felt guilty and cursed himself for being too harsh), he walked back to a depressed Colin and started ruffling his ginger hair absently.

Colin sighed. “…I really want you to come with me, Dave. I know you won’t be able to relate in the sci-fi convention, but I would feel so lost if you aren’t there. Even if I’m with my other friends. I’d feel so…weird. In every event I’ve been to, you were always with me. Like, in our high school prom. Okay, so we didn’t go to the prom, we just climbed trees and hurled fruits at each other ‘like monkeys’ as your neighbor shouted while brandishing his whacking stick, but you were still with me. (Anyway, they weren’t fruits; they were smoke bombs, weren’t they? And we weren’t monkeys, we were base infiltrators.) And that time we were in detention for the first time, I broke down in tears but you were there and you offered me your sweater. ‘Twas a nice sweater too, and I ruined it. I’ve grown so…used to your assuring aura.”

Damnit. DAMN THE WHOLE WORLD. DAMN YOU FOR BEING SO CUTE.

A hand tentatively reached out to the silver material, and the owner of the hand cringed. “If this fits me, that’s okay. One moment—do I really need to equip myself with a phaser stallion? Can a mere flashlight suffice? I don’t really dig the pulse-carrier—“

All of a sudden his eyesight grew blurry. Dave fell back on the bed again, swallowing wafts of red hair; it was Colin who threw his arms around his neck and was now chuckling at his ear, whispering, “Thank god, thank god…”

As predicted, Dave Austin smiled. Colin only hugs him when thrilled or surprised, but it was normal for geeks to embrace one another when in a deep state of delight (he remembers a geek-infested “group hug” in a celebration for Yoda’s spiffy moves). Dave should’ve been used to it by now, to be embraced by an ecstatic freckled redhead, but it always feels nice whenever it happens. Colin leaping into his arms was very fine indeed, and they stayed that way for several seconds, grinning from ear to ear.

Then Colin blew the moment. “Commander Jonathan Johnson is the most special person in my heart, so I could only count on you to cosplay him,” He whispered in Dave’s ear, arms tightening around his neck, “…because you’re my bestest best friend, my comrade against the forces of Sauron!”

Dave was attacked by a migraine, and Colin had to fetch his pills before they could finally settle on the bed again.

“Believe me, Dave. You’re going to be the best Commander Jonathan Johnson in the mortal world.” Colin assured his friend, thinking that he was nervous. Dave groaned and rolled his eyes.

Wait a goddamn minute. Colin loves Commander JJ. I’ll be Commander JJ.

Basic math was very useful during these times.

Colin loves Comm JJ

Colin x Comm JJ = MY DEATH

Comm JJ = Me (in the cosplay)

Colin x Me = ^_^

Colin loves Me

Colin loves Me

Colin. Loves. ME.

COLIN LOVES ME!

Dave got up quickly and held Colin’s hands, shaking excitedly. “Whoa, okay! OKAY! I’ll be Commander Fuckit! I’ll wear the costume, even it if it hurts me and my reputation forever!”

Colin held his hands back, eyes shining (he obviously and fortunately did not hear the vulgar term Dave used to name the space hero). “Awesome!!! I’ll tell the other members of the elite squadron tomorrow! Gosh, I’m so excited!!!” He started snorting again, but Dave did not reprimand him as he was too busy feeling the tenderness of his best friend’s love. He imagined himself wearing the taut attire, with bulging muscles and an equally bursting mind, while his right arm was wrapped round Colin’s shoulders. They were kissing hungrily amidst a desolate planet full of exploding Kaldop aliens, and the orchestral music blared even louder as the credits rolled. Being Commander Fuckit wasn’t so bad, after all.

The redhead leaned back, cleared his throat, and looked at his eager friend with an indulgent smile. “Join me, and together we shall RULE THE GALAXY!”

Dave tapped the other boy’s cheek and grinned. “Spoken like a true Vader, Cole. Haha, but that sounds like fun, ruling the galaxy. I’ll try it.”

Their official handshake was executed, with ready hands and glittering eyes. Afterwards they played games in Colin’s PC, ordered pizza, laughed, wrestled, and did other things teenage best friends do, but this time they held each other longer than usual.


***

"Normal is what everyone else is and you are not." -- Dr. Soran, Star Trek


College life was pretty hectic for young Dave Austin. Besides having to endure countless teases from his mother when he comes home to visit (and eat delicious curry), he still had to attend LREG meetings in the gym everyday, then there were homework, projects, and his growing love for his best friend. They were currently discussing self-acceptance and ‘confidence in oneself’ in LREG classes, and it required research and a damn lot of balls to actually speak up and make suggestions. Even if Dave served as their inspiration, his involvement in the group lessened gradually because he didn’t even follow his own proposals. He told them what he planned on doing for years, but it was pointless because he hasn’t even done them yet, and so the ‘must-be’ results of his ideas might prove faulty.

Now that Colin was in love with an unbeatable character, being in LREG seemed like a huge joke. He returned to his Colin-hungry stupor, and everybody teased him for it. His mother, his groupmates. They were all the same.

Colin grew suspicious during LREG meetings because Dave never held enthusiasm for activities that required social interaction before, so he made excuses that he was trying out for the drama club.

“Drama club?” The other asked, spectacles dropping down his nose. He adjusted it and looked at him in wonder. “Gee, I never knew you loved acting, Dave.”

“Like, not love.” Dave answered, popping a pretzel in his mouth. It was break time, and people were staring at them again, so he tried looking casual by stepping back a few inches further from the object of his unresolved affections. “I’m just trying out, seeing what I can do. You have Yu-Gi-Oh battles on Mondays and Wednesdays too, right? So you won’t be missing me anytime soon.” He joked.

“I doubt that. I’m against the supreme card master now, and everybody’s rooting for him,” Colin sighed. “If you’re with me at least I’ll have support amidst a field of enemies.”

“Oh, I’ll be there. Not physically, ‘course. Later, When you’re losing, you’ll suddenly feel cold hands massaging your back to relax, so don’t be surprised.” Dave grinned and Colin feigned jabbing him on the cheek. They started an imaginary mind duel when someone tapped him in the shoulder and said, “Come into my office, OR ELSE.”

Dave grunted. “Can’t you see I’m busy? Anyway the meeting’s later in the afternoon—“

He noticed that Colin turned rigid. “Hello, ma’am.”

Great..

The student counselor sighed, and then… “Hum..hum. HWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!”

She laughed like an endless torrent of rain, loud and piercing. Her laughter sent blades towards those within her range of destruction, and so all the students in the hallway crouched, covered their ears, and yelled mutely. The earth seemed like it shook and the floor threatened to move and swallow.

“HWAHAHAHAH…HWAHAHAHAHAH!”

Colin found himself clinging unto Dave’s shirt in fear, and he felt it his duty to protect his love from the monster with a humongous mouth. Finally their guidance counselor stopped and slammed a pudgy hand on Dave’s back, making him sprawl towards the pavement. “Just kidding ya, Austin. Can I borrow him for a while, Gulliver?”

Colin giggled, thankful that things weren’t serious. “Sure, ma’am.”

She eyed him doubtfully. “You sure? Don’t worry Gulliver, I’ll only take him for an hour, I promise it won’t be long, and I won’t really do anything to him, I’ll just ask him a few questions, I’ll bring him back to you safe and sound—“

“It’s fine, you can go and talk to him.” Colin interrupted, darting a curious look at Dave. Dave wasn’t dense like his best friend, and gulped in return.

“Really? You won’t get mad? Wooooh, that’s brilliant then!” She turned to Austin with a stern look. “Come into my office after a few minutes…I’ll leave you two so you can say your…heartfelt farewells to each other.” And she tiptoed away, giving them awestruck looks as she left.

“That was…interesting.” Colin laughed.

Dave was about to smile back at Colin and tell him to ignore the earlier incident when his eyes caught something…promptly hidden.

“…Professor, why are you still here?” He asked, loud enough for everyone to hear in the hall, and the other students laughed along when the student counselor emerged from behind a plant box and blushed.

“A FEW MINUTES, AUSTIN! FINISH YOUR BUSINESS WITH GULLIVER THEN!” She stomped off haughtily, and this time the other students laughed at Dave. Colin looked like he wanted to ask what was going on when Dave spotted the foul-mouthed gossip amongst the roaring crowd and practically dragged him to a corner.

“What did you tell the counselor?!” Dave growled, slamming his victim on the wall.

“Yeah! What did you tell him, plebe?! Speak or we’ll fire our Sparta Cannons. And don’t you dare lie, for we can delve into your mind and reveal the monstrosities of your character.” Colin skipped beside him and tried to frown and look intimidating, but he only looked adorable in Dave’s eyes (and silly to the others).

The gossip tried to break free from Dave’s grasp on his shirt, and gasped. “I didn’t tell fucking nuthin’, fuck you man, let me go.”

“He KNOWS, darn it!” Dave seethed.

The redhead blinked. “Who knows what?”

“Fuck it, EVERYBODY KNOWS, Austin! I never told any professors, but they must’ve overheard me when I announced your fucking attraction in the classroom. It was Trigonometry class, and I couldn’t help but blurt out the juicy news. I went like, ‘LISTEN UP Y’all! OUR TWO WEE BOYS ARE FUCKING—no not fucking as in having sex, Austin, just a fuckin expression for fuck’s sake—blah blah blah’ and for the first time, EVERYBODY listened to me, man. That was how juicy it was, ya know? Oh fuck, I’m guessing our Trigonometry prof was still hangin’ around that time, the bastard.”

“HIM?! Him?! So that’s why he’s been acting weird lately…”

Colin looked thoughtful. “Yeah, he exempted me from a project because I already got a perfect score in his other exam, but he wasn’t that generous before. He said he was interested in me or something. That I had potential.”

The gossip chuckled. “Yeah, he’s been all supportive right? To the both of you? That’s because he’s fucking like US, Austin…DON’T LOOK AT ME GULLIVER, I AM NOT TOUCHING YOUR BF yeeeccch—that’s ‘best friend’ for ya.” He cleared his throat to cover his slip-up and looked at Dave eagerly, “…Why don’t we employ our Trig prof as our moderator in LREG, or should he just be a fucking member?”

Dave glowered at the other man as Colin jumped excitedly beside him. “Ooh, is that a code? LREG? I can break codes as fast as a code-breaking machine sometimes! LREG? Hmmmm…should I flip the letters, look for the second letter, or transform them into mathematical equations and solve them? Or is one of the letters in LREG a clue? An acronym, right? The R—“

While his best friend chattered, Dave’s future looked dismal.

Our Trigonometry teacher is GAY? That’s why he’s been so nice because he’s finally found someone who’s just like him? That’s why we’re getting special treatment? Because we’re different? Because I was brave (or stupid) enough to announce it to a grumpy university? And to think…if I didn’t fancy boys, then he probably wouldn’t notice us.

…The hell?

“What the fuck are you mumbling about, carrot-top?” The gossip leered at Colin, and was choked viciously by an indignant Dave.

“Don’t curse Colin.” He said firmly, then loosened his grip. “Our Trigonometry professor probably told the whole faculty about it. Bullshit. JUST THAT. BULLSHIT.” Colin gasped because Dave rarely swore so openly, and here he was now, shouting deafeningly as his forehead wrinkled in frustration.

“Oh, and thanks for the answers, punk. Gotta go now, Colin. See you at our dorm.”

Colin watched silently as Dave ran away. The rest of the onlookers shrugged to themselves and finally stopped listening in on the conversation and went on with their appointments.

The gossip adjusted his collar and smoothed his hair, looking grim. “He thinks…” of you all the time! “…highly of you, Gulliver.”

The redhead nodded. “I think of him all the time. He worries me.” Colin looked quite wistful and…sad for a moment, then he extended a hand towards the earlier victim of Dave’s wrath. “So…how’s the drama club?”

“Drama club? Me? I fucking wish.” The gossip rolled his eyes.

“You must be one of his crewmates, then. I’m Co—“

“Oh, we know you. He talks about you all the time. You guys are fucking popular, you know? Funny, really.” And the gossip limped away to tell everybody about his latest injuries, Dave’s possessiveness, and Colin’s unbelievable density.

Colin arrived at the Yu-Gi-Oh match a few minutes later, and won several times when he felt Dave’s warm hands on his shoulder. At the end of the game, winning by a finisher from the Dark Magician Girl card, he opened his eyes and saw people like himself. He thought it would make him feel better to be among the same jedi masters, but somehow, like Anakin Skywalker, he never really belonged.




MISSION FAILED. TELL HIM, YOU MORON.

***

TO BE CONTINUED.