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defeating commander jonathan johnson, original

Defeating Commander Jonathan Johnson, Mission Ten

Author: Mushroom
Rating: PG-13 (OMFG is it true?!)
Summary: The Battle of the Races has begun. Earth is in turmoil. Will our honorable Dave Austin emerge to stop the bloodshed?
Disclaimer: All geeky stuff, ideas and quotes were spawned by other greater people than moi.

Note: Sorry for the very late update. T___T I am very busy. Next update will probably be on weekends. More of my busy, busy sched in mushroom18. Gaaah, I’m so brain-dead. :(

And the usual depression, which resurfaced after a few seconds. Nothing is more alone than this. Which is why when I typed this chapter, I was very emotional.




MISSION TEN: RED ALERT

***


"What can you protect with feelings alone?" – Kira Yamato, Gundam Seed





I see.

That’s why you’ve stuck to me all the time, because I’m the only one who wanted to. But even if I do, you ignore me for your other friends and hobbies. After everything else is done, and you have satisfied yourself, you come back to me. All this time I fooled myself into thinking that I was happy as long as you came back.

Dave Austin felt a nerve pop up in his forehead, and his temper started rising.

I’ve had it!

This time, it was the princess who was kicked by Reynaldo, as soon as the apprentice recovered his senses. She immediately went back to her sickening state and gurgled, “No, I love you, I love you forever. Bless me Commander, and let me leave in peace. I come now to the arms of my ancestors, of those who ruled Jamalia with a firm hand and a soft heart.”

Dave waved his hand about as a sign of blessing as her head dropped on the floor with an ugly clamor.

Clap.

Clapclapclapclap. CLAP! CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP!

It was applause full of admiration and sheer love for their presentation. For the first time Dave Austin saw smiles on the faces of his so-called army of aliens; their grins only meant two things: Victory and freebies.

Once the lights dimmed and the hosts went back to their designated platforms to call on the next performers, Dave shoved the princess away (“Fuck you!” she exclaimed), shot back backstage, and hurried out of the tent before his fleet started chasing him and asking him for more favors. He didn’t want to pretend anymore. Just as he was nearing the exit, Reynaldo Phoenix patted him on the back and gave him an inspirational message: “Don’t be so proud of the praise you have received. The slight assistance you have given our guild is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”

“And what does the Force tell you?” Dave muttered back. He was used to these kinds of conversations, and went along with it.

Reynaldo Phoenix leered at him with throbbing eyes. “The Force wants you out. We don’t care what Gulliver says, you’re just not one of us.”

Dave glared at him. “I never wanted to be here, anyway. Don’t assume that everyone’s dying to be under your shifty surveillance. Once their buttocks are bruised they’d rather choose hell than be with you lot.”

He stalked off angrily just as the maroon-clad Reynaldo called out “You DEVIANT!” and rubbed his aching hips. Damn, that Reynaldo sure can kick.

“Move out.” He growled at a Kaldop and Mr. Coreslayer. Both evil creatures were blocking the door to the exit as they chatted good-naturedly. They refused to end their conversation and ignored the flaring space hero; in Dave’s pulsating temper he tore off the hood and mask of Mr. Coreslayer and yelled, “MOVE OUT!”

“Eeek!” The guy shrieked.

Dave stared at him, open-mouthed.

“I-I know you. You’re…damn, you’re from the League of Really Extraordinary Gentlemen, right? What the—you’re one of those guys who were attacking me verbally a while back! Y-you said I was BORING! A-and…YOU!” He pointed at the Kaldop, the one with the purple knapsack, “You’re the leader of the Kaldop aliens! You’re the one who told me that I was doing something inappropriate to Colin!” He finally recognized the knapsack as the possession of one the punky LREG members.

The Kaldop whimpered. “Please don’t take all those stuff personally, sir! We just have to stick on the Guildmaster’s good side if we want to stay in the guild…he’ll freak if he finds out that we’re…we’re acquaintances, or something—“

“—What’s wrong with being acquaintances with me?!” Dave snarled.

Mr. Coreslayer began fumbling his fingers, and looked down at his dusty rollerblades. “W-Well…you know…rumors in school that you have this…thing for Gulliver…and of course, you being the leader of this…occult in the gym…Reynaldo Phoenix doesn’t want that, he thinks it’s…gross—”

“Those AREN’T RUMORS!” Dave spat, cornering the supposed evil overlord and pushing him up against the wall with an angry fist. “They’re FRIGGIN’ real and you know it! I thought the LREG was created so that we can help one another in the process called ‘coming-out of the closet’?! You were all laughing and jeering at me because I was different, if only I knew…” He ran a hand through his hair and gritted his teeth. “You ditched those oaths and promises and all our lessons down the drain, just because you idiots wanted to fit in! Why the hell would you want to stay in a group with a walking boob and a bunch of losers with rotten personalities, anyway?! God, you’re even worse than…than bullies!”

The two lowered their heads in shame. “We’re just not like you, Austin. We can’t risk it. We found friendship here in the guild, so if we reveal ourselves they’ll reject us. There’s a sense of security when you’re part of an exclusive group, don’t you get it? Our lives will be ruined if we reveal our true nature.”

“LREG was supposed to be a promise for change,” Dave Austin said coldly, “…but obviously, it’s just one big pile of bullshit. I’m resigning as your leader. I don’t care what you guys will do to me. Go and moan about your sexuality by yourselves, I’m not helping anyone anymore.” He spun around and stomped down the backstage exit and out into the open field, until one of them called out.

“You’re the one to talk! You can’t even tell Gulliver the truth!”

“SHUT UP, YOU HOMOSEXUAL!” Dave shouted, loud enough for everyone to hear…without realizing he was condemning himself as well. He just didn’t care anymore. He screwed things up and realized that all he did was for nothing, and now he was back to being alone and stupid. If only Dave wasn’t so caught up in what he was feeling for Colin; he could’ve just remained his ordinary, unknown self, free from worries and problems from outsiders.

Everyone is evil. The whole world is evil. It doesn’t matter if you’re straight, if you’re a jock or a geek or a host or a weirdo. They’re all the same. They’re all evil. They’re all out to get me.

He kicked a soda can and watched it fly in the air, then crunched it with his foot a dozen times. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Snap! He stomped and stomped and kicked ‘till his toe was sore, and drops of perspiration rolled down his chin. The can took different forms, all revealing what Dave Austin felt; mangled, crumpled, and disfigured beyond repair.

“What’s the truth?” asked a soft voice. This time, Dave looked up.

He shrugged. “Nothing, I’m just angsting. Nothing you should worry about.”

Colin’s hobbit attire was now covered by a huge parka that reached his knees in an awkward manner, and (fortunately) he had shoes on. The posters they excitedly bought together moments ago were tucked under his arm protectively. “What should I worry about, then?”

“I dunno. Homework, pop quizzes. The next Liberation novel. Winning the grandest of all grand prizes. My Commander feat a while ago.”

The shorter boy folded his arms around his chest. “Just a question, but what were you doing onstage? That’s not what Commander Jonathan Johnson’s supposed to be doing. I haven’t seen a live-action that also involved audience participation, haha! You were supposed to kiss the princess, not the other way around, and if you only deepened your voice a little bit…I hope the guild-master didn’t notice the weird pitch going on—”

“Oh I’m sure he didn’t notice, seeing that he was too busy kicking my sorry ass like a horse in heat.” Dave retorted, rubbing his hips furiously to strengthen his statement.

Colin shook his head. “You don’t understand, Dave—“

“Of course I don’t understand!” Dave yelled in a menacing voice that was unsuitable for his genial features. “I don’t understand ANYTHING! I don’t understand Liberation, I don’t understand why spandex has to be so itchy, I don’t understand why the hell I am doing all this for you, I don’t understand YOU!” Colin was surprised at his outburst; he had never seen this side of Dave Austin before. He was always so pleasant; generous in lending and buying things for him, happy when he was happy, comforting when he was sad. This Dave was different; he was fuming in rage and it was impossible to console him.

“Know what, when I asked the princess a question and she told me the truth, I knew. I knew that I’m just something to cling on, because I’m too reliable. And I’ve been so stupid enough to be depended on like that, when it looks like everything I’ve done means nothing to you.”

The redhead quickly took a step forward, brow furrowed in deep worry. “O-of course they meant—they meant everything, Dave.”

A cluster of gossips and snoops now circled around them, listening in their heated conversation with faces dripping with sadness, but with smiles edged in delight at the quarrel that could possibly be the juiciest news once they returned to their friends.

“You were so mad at me when I couldn’t act like Commander Jonathan Johnson. NEWS FLASH! I’m not Commander Jonafuck. YES, Jonafuck, and I’ll say it many times even if a mob of angry obese women pound on me, Jonafuck it is. Sorry to say this, but I’m not perfect. I can’t stand spandex. I don’t like princesses, especially those with heaving bosoms. I don’t have super powers, or a Chambaralter ship—“

“—Chambalatra,” Colin corrected, and immediately covered his mouth in horror. Dave was beyond furious now; he was enraged.

“SEE?! See?! You don’t really care about me at all; you even have time to register correct grammar usage in your Liberation-infested brain, when you’re supposed to be actually listening to me, as I would have done to you!”

Colin looked truly miserable, but for Dave it wasn’t even enough compensation. “What’s the matter? You never had a problem with my hobbies before…you said that it was okay, as long as I was happy.”

“That’s it. I did everything to make you happy, but I’m just not enough, am I? I have to BE the commander to make you REALLY happy. You never really cared about me at all! All you wanted was your toys and your stupid commander, you only noticed me when you needed me most, but I was glad as long as you remembered, yes I was. Now I know better. I’m just so sick of your behavior, GULLIVER.” He mentioned his name icily, with an air of contempt. Colin swallowed and might’ve run away if it was over, but Dave couldn’t help but belt everything out all over again. He was so angry he couldn’t even judge his words anymore; they all came out like a raging storm that had been kept in a box far too long. It was too much. LREG. Things. Lots of things.

“I can’t believe you even tricked me into wearing this..this…outright nutty outfit while strutting around like a freak show in a circus! Do you know how many times I’ve tortured myself just to do this for you?!”

“Then WHY DID YOU?!” Colin demanded, voice breaking.

Dave frowned at him, but his voice was sad. “You don’t really know, do you? That’s because you never ask me anything, you don’t ask me what I think, what I like—“

“That’s the problem!!!” The other cried. “YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE ANYTHING!!”

“Of course I do!” Dave shouted back, rolling his eyes. “I mean, NOBODY has heard of a guy who doesn’t like anything! I mean, you can’t like NOTHING, that’s ridiculous!”

“I asked you a lot of times,” Colin looked ready to cry now; his nose was starting to get runny and he was shivering madly. “After you gave me all those presents, I asked what you would like in return. You just tell me that you want me to be happy, and so I smiled a lot! You don’t like ANYTHING, that’s what! Y-you…you aren’t sure of things, you have no hobbies, you’re not really attached to…s-stuff...”

“I like a LOT of stuff!” His long-time friend argued, clenching his fists. He started stamping on the soda can again. “I like…I like…oh shit, I have HOBBIES too! I…I collect hockey sticks.” This seemed like déjà vu; he found himself inside the student counselor’s room once more, biting his lip as a mysterious corkboard loomed ahead. Now he understood what the student counselor was trying to tell him…that he was also important, that he should’ve listened to himself long ago. “I-I…what the hell, this is not about what I LIKE, anyway! This is about your selfish behavior!”

Dave became pathetic. He desperately started thinking of reasons why he wanted to lash out at Colin in public, all because he was furious and he wanted to crush someone while the moment was his. “Don’t you understand how hurt I felt, Colin? You always ask me to accompany you to conventions, movies, and all those stuff you like doing, but then you’re never satisfied. And that’s what happens to ME, too! I feel like I don’t know you anymore, especially when you went…went flirting around with that jedi guy.” He never really meant to use the term flirting, but it came out with much too ease, seeing as he was very jealous.

“Is that your problem?!” Colin’s grief-stricken face turned into a deep shade of indignant purple. “Honestly Dave, I thought YOU were the only one who could understand me. I can’t just talk to you all the time, don't you see?! It’s just like you and your drama club. I need to hold conversations with other people for once…aren’t you happy that others are starting to accept me now as their friend, when I was ignored when we were in high school?”

Dave felt the same icy dagger stab his heart repeatedly, and he gulped to control himself. The jealousy was replaced by the numb feeling of a broken heart, but he remained obstinate. “You call those your friends? They’re a bunch of psychos, Cole…they’ll do anything to get their grubby hands on Commander Jonafuck backpacks or whatever—“

“STOP CALLING HIM JONAFUCK!” Colin roared hysterically.

“I’LL CALL HIM WHAT I WANT TO CALL HIM, HE’S JUST A STUPID JONAFUCK! HE CAN PRANCE AROUND IN HIS UNDERWEAR FOR ALL I CARE, I JUST HATE HIM AND I WANT TO CALL HIM JONAFUCK, D’YOU—“

Colin raised his fist.

Dave closed his eyes before Colin’s fist hit him, but it turned out to be a light jab—a punch full of anger that was held back. He opened his eyes yet refused to look at Colin, and some of the guys who watched started whistling loudly in amusement.

“Why didn’t you tell me before? We had a lot of time, too much time," The redhead whispered brokenly, "It was more than enough. I even tried asking what’s wrong with you these days, I really wished that you would open up but I just don’t know what’s going on in your mind!” He stared down at his quivering palms, speaking his soul with all the bravery he had. “It’s like…it’s like you’re a million LIGHT-YEARS away! I c-can’t contact you anymore!”

“That’s because you’re too DENSE!” Dave explained harshly, “I don’t have to tell everything to you, you’re my closest friend and you’re supposed—obliged to know. Y-you’re denser than…than osmium, or whatever crap you taught me about Physics last week!” He jammed his hands into his pockets, pulled out his car keys viciously, and waved it at Colin’s face. “I’m leaving this stupid place. Walk back to the apartment by yourself! See, you even depend on me to drive you to all those damn conventions you go to while I pay for the gas and maintenance and things! But that’s not going to be a problem, isn’t it? YOU CAN GO TEENY-BOPPING WITH YOUR FELLOW FREAKY FRIENDS, SINCE I’M TOO INFERIOR COMPARED TO THEM, AND I DON’T HAVE A FRIGGIN’ SPACE ROCKET THAT CAN TAKE YOU TO PLUTO OR THE NEXT FRIGGIN’ SYSTEM!”

Dave felt triumphant when he heard Colin sniff pathetically, indicating a really GOOD and long cry. He smirked as he watched the tears flow from his best friend’s cheeks, dripping relentlessly towards the floor, and the spectators laughed with him. “What’s the matter, Gulliver?” Indeed, the mocking voice came from the once silent Dave Austin, who made Colin’s smile his life’s goal, a goal worthy of self-sacrifice and constraint.

Yet his smile was victorious and ruthless as Colin hid his face with his arms, wiping off unhappy tears in an attempt to shout back. This time Dave noticed that his legs were shaking, and that the posters he bought for Colin dropped towards the floor with a resounding thud. His best friend quietly picked them up with feeble hands while the audience shook their heads, not in pity but in disgust at his display of weakness.

Dave’s hands itched to carry the merchandise, envelop Colin in a one-arm hug, and allow him to cry on his shoulder. His lips wanted to plant a kiss on his forehead. His voice wanted to say sorry. It was something his body would’ve done before, but now his mind was resolute. He wasn’t Colin’s crying post for chrissakes.

“D-Dave…y-you…” Colin hugged the posters to his chest and the silent tears that threatened to fall arrived abruptly, making his face look like a big tomato.

“Y-YOU SUCK!!!!!!”

The redhead burst into tears as he ran towards the bus stop. Still feeling quite emotional, Dave called out abruptly, “You’re not even supposed to be crying at your age! WE’RE GROWN-UPS, DAMNIT!”

Then he laughed; a hollow laugh that was worse than a yelp of pain because it was empty, and too cruel. His laughter impressed that he was better off without an inconvenience like Colin, because love is tortuous, love is for the suckers.

The sky rumbled.

After a few seconds of heavy breathing, Dave Austin smiled.

He was free. He didn’t have to do humiliating things for Colin anymore. He was perfectly fine by himself, thankyouverymuch.

Dave looked back, expecting the former audience to agree with him, but they all went back to the tent, watching a popular rock band that was currently performing. Even the stalls were abandoned, the sales left to smile and pose with raindrops on their plastic covers. He was all alone on that huge green lawn, in a sparkly costume that rivaled the lights illuminating the booths.

His smile faded almost immediately as his senses returned. The sadistic happiness he had in seeing Colin cry vanished gradually and only the usual emptiness remained.

It was no good; Dave decided when he checked himself. Now that he was back to being Dave Austin, he could be happy again. But what’s the use of rebelling if he became Dave Austin without a Colin Gulliver?

There the Commander stood, a sigh escaping his lips, hating himself for acting stupid…but mostly hating himself because after everything that had happened, he still loved Colin like the idiot who gave his premiere tickets away many years ago.



***

“Why is it that every time I think I know the answers, someone goes and changes the questions?” – Mulder, X-Files





The rain was getting stronger when Dave arrived in his dorm room. He changed back into jeans and a t-shirt, flung his soaked costume on the waste basket, pulled out the box of clothes he hid underneath the bed, and dumped them in a hiking backpack. Feeling cross and tired, he pushed his head down on the pillows and slept.

It was midnight when he woke up from a comfortable sleep. He just had a nice dream; there were the joyful barks of a dog, and the clattering of plates, like a home sort of feeling. He yawned loudly and glanced at the other side of the bed. Sure enough, Colin was seated beside him, looking at his hands…running his thumbs on his palms like they were not his. Finally the redhead sat up and started sticking the newly-bought posters on the walls; an omen, a normal day.

The tears made nasty stains on his cheeks, and Dave stopped himself from touching them.

He wore a jacket, pulled on the hood, grabbed his back pack, and left the room.




***

“Your emotions are getting in the way, are they?” – Witch Hunter Robin





Dave Austin knocked furiously on the oak door. He was back in his humble abode, the house of his childhood. The house seemed old and reliable, and he felt himself relax after the horrific Tent incident a while ago. Damn troops of aliens. Spandex. Colin. All things he never even dreamed of knowing, but he forced himself into their unknown world, just to please someone else. Anger ran through his arm and into the fist he used to knock the door.

Still, his damn mother wouldn’t come out.

“MOM!!!!” Dave thundered, his voice matching the raging storm outside. The drenched boy was shivering cold and his backpack tore uncannily during the trip home, so he had to scrounge all of his wet clothes in the same pack even in their damp states. All he wanted was his mom’s curry and a comfy bed, and he could die afterwards. “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OFF THE COUCH AND OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!”

A temperamental swipe of the door and his mother was seen wearing skimpy lingerie with bits of chips on her mouth. “Stop screaming like an asshole, young man, I can hear you! Besides, how did you know I’m still awake?”

“It’s Saturday,” Dave scowled. “You always bum around during Saturdays.”

“Oh. Come in and watch TV with me, then.” Mrs. Austin said cheerfully. “Is that what you came here for, all soaking wet and in a bad mood? Or maybe…” She feigned a gasp of surprise and wiggled her eyebrows. “Let me guess…it’s either you miss me so much, you’re broke, or you’re back to being straight!” The woman chuckled at her own guesses, and Dave rolled his eyes.

As soon as he was ushered in the house Dave crawled towards the couch and snuggled on the throw pillows with a funny look of resentment in his face. His mother gave out a huge yawn and looked at him curiously. “I don’t think it’s because you miss me, since you’re an ungrateful son, and I don’t think you’re broke, because you’re such a prudent kid. Unless…you spent all your money on Gulliver, that is.”

Dave made a weird noise from under the pillows.

His mother sighed. “So…you had a…misunderstanding of sorts.”

“Yeah. I think it’s quite permanent, though.” The son ran a wet hand through his hair and sighed inwardly.

“So you’re…heterosexual now?”

Dave paused for a moment. “…I don’t think so.”

“Good. I was just planning on the Victorian House you and Gulliver will be sharing in the future, so if you’ve gone back to liking girls then I’ll have to change the color combinations all over again. See, when you left like the prodigal son you were, I was so bored I decided to put my interior designing classes to good use. All these ideas started coming in.” Mrs. Austin grabbed the remote just as Dave reached for it, and flipped the channel to HBO. “You think Gulliver would like autumn furnishings for the kitchen?”

Dave glowered at his mother. She glanced at him and frowned. “What? I like When Harry Met Sally.” She looked back at the screen and sighed happily to press her point further.

He narrowed his eyes. “Can’t you be serious for once? Aren’t you supposed to say something…or ask why we fought, or…”

Mrs. Austin waved her hand about. “I’m just worried about your future, hon. Fine, fine, I’ll tell you what’s been bothering me…” She gazed at him with soulful eyes, “He didn’t agree, didn’t he? I mean, come on Davie, Gulliver’s such an innocent boy with a youthful personality; you can’t just force him to do things especially if he’s not ready for it.”

“W-What’re you talking about?!” Dave demanded, flushing scarlet.

She shrugged. “I mean, you can’t just go and force him to have sex with you, honestly! You’re so much like your father, taking things too fast…I remember a heated experience when we were in the garage, washing the car—”

“Oh mom,” The brown-haired son groaned, stopping her from her erotic ballads. “I wish I asked. I wish I talked. I wish I forced. I wish, haha! No really, I hate him. Colin and I hate each other.”

Mrs. Austin looked at him dubiously. “Aaah, now I understand. You hated him with a passion so deep it felt like love. I remember that. Oh well, it doesn’t mean you can’t have sex.”

“You just can’t tell depression from arousal, mum.”

“What’s the difference? They’re all teenage stuff, aren’t they?”

Dave Austin sighed, told his mother to go to sleep, and went back to his old bed room to have a good look around. The ceiling and walls were painted a boring white. His bed sheets were white. His shelf was stacked with white shirts. This was the room that defined him. No more pesky action figures with missing limbs. No more wacky posters that peel off when they’re too old. No hidden comic books on secret compartments, smuggled Mcdonald’s, and boyish laughter. No freckled college boy sleeping soundly beside him.

Just plain white.




MISSION FAILED. MEANWHILE, ABORT.

***

TO BE CONTINUED.