Pallidula Rigida Nudula

Second Chapter: Love and Distractions
Author: Mushroom
Rating: R
To tea_drinker. Because HOT DAMN I love you! :P

Note: You may have noticed there’s a tiny change in this chapter…it comes with SKETCHES! I also placed a drawing in the first chapter, which you can see here.





IV.


Julian knew from then on what it was like to be away from Liberty.

Of course he knew eventually; he wasn’t stupid. It was easy to find out. He could feel Seth gazing at him for hours on end, on a hot, sunny day, and the tanned man’s eyes would never leave him. Julian even got used to it as the days rolled by; so used to it that he could sense Seth’s gaze trailing lines on his skin even while he was asleep, or tending the bicycle shop. Soon the magazines and colorful photos were neglected; they were left hidden in their dusty boxes. There was color found in other places, and to Seth it was the boy with lucid skin, waiting beside him as a form of acceptance.

It was strange. The fair boy was used to staring, but this felt nice. This…it made him feel special, as if he finally had a connection to the world. He realized that he was also staring back, locking his view towards Seth’s toothy grin, and regarded it as escapism. Since that hug, Seth’s outburst of feelings… something was evident between them, and it was confusing.

“H-have you ever loved someone else? I mean…before?” Julian asked. He needed to know what the ‘others’ were like, and if he fell in the same category. They were seated side by side, and Seth was toying with Julian’s fingers; he made them walk down on his legs, towards his knees. Julian shivered and let out a girlish giggle—automatically hating himself for it right after.

“Stop tickling me,” He breathed.

Seth shook his head and chuckled, letting Julian’s palm rest flat on his thigh. “There. What’s your question again?”

Julian repeated himself with a flushed face, this time without fumbling for words. Seth looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook his head. “There was no one to love. I mean, there were my sisters, but I had this feeling of being a brother to them, cos…well, obviously. Duh.” Both men started laughing, a melody out of place, then silence came to them slowly, carefully, so that they could savor the emotion.

The younger boy never had any brothers and sisters. He was born without a father, and his mother became depressed out of contempt for his abnormal appearance, among other things. She died. It was uneventful and expected, and left no feeling for Julian other than aloneness. An old man who ran a bicycle shop took him in, not out of pity but for necessity. Apparently the man was growing old and he needed someone to take care of him—and Julian needed to eat. It was a mutual relationship without trust or resentment. Apathy reigned high in Liberty City; each to his own success, in his own manner.

Julian’s outer appearance irritated many customers. He looked too creepy, they would whisper. Most of the people he knew wanted to get rid of him. He gave them a prickly sensation, an irritable thing that they desperately wanted to leave. The people of Liberty hated nonconformists, thought them horrible, and Julian was clearly one of them. His white skin and soulless eyes were not everyday features.

Sometimes though, they were glad he was there. He made them feel like they were superior, that there were people of lower importance, and that thought boosted their hopes for success. As long as they were people to bring down, the Libertans could move forward.

Julian was born in Liberty and had never been anywhere else. He only watched the outside world on television, but the reporters made it seem like the small towns surrounding them were boring and not worth looking at, misleading the audience with their dreary monotones and blank, beautiful faces. Julian would look longingly at the images of families (“The state of poverty in the northern areas has reached a point wherein hope is all lost”), hills, lakes, and pets. Children ran about happily, wetting themselves with water from the stream. The reporters talked about crimes and uncivilized behavior, but the pictures of happy people contradicted their claims. It was true; plague and famine inflicted the outside world, but it was brought about by the resources stolen from them by the business tycoons. Other than that, they looked bright and cheerful.

Liberty, meanwhile, was sweltering hot. Seth brought Julian close to him and rubbed his pale arms softly.

“Maybe we should go back. The sun is getting worse.” Seth watched the grass turn brown and winced.

“Do you really want us to go on our separate ways?” Julian whispered playfully. The other grinned back, sheepish.

“Okay, so I don’t want to leave you. Though it really is pointless, staying here under the sun. We’re killing ourselves.”

“Pointless? I thought we’re waiting for the bus.”

Seth looked at him quizzically, and a sense of alarm rushed throughout Julian’s entire body like lightning. He sat up straight and looked at the older man directly in the eye. “We’re going to R Town. Remember. Remember that.” He said sternly.

A look of recognition dawned on Seth’s face, and he shrugged. “Of course I remember.”

They settled down once again, arms linked, hearts content. Julian glanced back at Seth, and it seemed like the essence of the wait made a sudden change.



V.


Julian remembered the only person who ever looked at him without contempt.

It was an ordinary afternoon, and he was watching over the old man’s shop while he played with his dogs on the sidewalk. Business was dismal as usual, but the fair boy tried to make amends by cleaning the rusty things and taking them out on experimental trips. He would sail by roads unnoticed, zipping through alleys and streets like a flash of wind. It felt wonderful because no one would look at him twice, and the wind on his hair and body made him feel free. Julian also thought of other things while he was in motion, and he kept his senses busy while he biked. Oftentimes he would listen to his portable radio and tune in to this station he especially liked, one that played unknown ballads with indescribable rhythms. Music and biking made his heart glad, so Julian composed songs and had a natural talent for sensual tunes.

His old man caught him taking the bicycles out for rides too often, and punished him by locking him in the store. Julian watched the customers come in every week to ridicule their wares, and it left him shamelessly uninterested. It was a good thing he was allowed to listen to his tiny radio and the sensual songs; otherwise he would’ve beaten himself up.

It was another afternoon, with the radio playing at its lowest, and his voice belted out the difficult parts with ease. “What’s it like to place your fingers on me, seeing my chest rise up and down…I bet I’m making you oh-so-uneasy, but you’re comin’ round, yes you’re comin’ round…”

“Aah, I miss these things.” said a distinct voice layered with sweetness and delight. “When I was young my siblings and I would ride our bicycles to school, and it was so fun because the route leads downhill. It’s nice to just let your arms wave about while you’re rushing forward, not caring about where you’re going at all.”

“You must have gained many wounds and bruises, then.”

“But I was so young, love. Let the children be children.” The two speakers laughed gently. Julian immediately stopped singing and looked over at the new customers. A middle-aged man had a possessive arm around a younger one with inexpressible good looks, and they were circling around the store. Julian knew the middle-aged businessman; he was one of the most influential and powerful people in Liberty. His face was always featured in headlines and TV interviews. What the hell is he doing in here, Julian asked himself.

The younger man noticed him and his smile widened. “We’re just looking around.”

Julian nodded, shocked. He actually SMILED at him! Smiled a genuine smile, not a smile reserved for strangers or outcasts. It was a smile that pierced through him. Julian found himself clumsily assisting the two lovers, making all sorts of exaggerated gestures with stuttering words, all because a man considered him normal.

The young man bought a small bicycle (“For my dear sister, who needs to socialize.”) and the businessman paid for it in a flash. Julian watched the businessman stare at the other with passionate, burning eyes, full of lust and love for him. His controlling, brusque arms wrapped around the young man’s never let go, even for just a moment. Julian knew then that the young man probably gave the businessman a satisfaction that rendered him dependent and speechless.

The old man treated him fairly better after that incident; chances of famous people entering a rickety bicycle shop were very low, almost impossible.

For days Julian thought of the young man and how he held the famous man’s life entirely in his hands. He remembered how his laughter actually turned out seductive, how his soft footsteps clenched his soul. It was a technique Julian admired, and he wanted that kind of power. He wanted to be needed so badly. Not out of necessity, like his old man. To be needed whole.

However, it was a talent unattainable. There was no denying the fact that he was abnormal and would remain that way until he died. The businessman did not even notice him because he was too busy stripping the young man in his imagination; and it was a good thing he didn’t. Otherwise, he would not be able to sell anything that day.


VI.


“Do you think we’re lowlifes?” Julian asked suddenly. They kissed for the first time a few hours ago, and proceeded to continue the first times just for the heck of it. Seth placed his hand behind Julian’s neck, caressing it, and he exhaled.

“Yeah.” Seth nodded. The other man gave him a surprised look. “What?”

“I was kinda hoping you would disagree with me to make me feel better. I forgot that you’re not exactly a very comforting person to be with.” They were seated on their overused bench, watching Chesca while she painted on a huge canvas that was carefully positioned above the smooth, wild grass. The little girl bit her lip in concentration, her nimble hands creating strokes of crooked red lines on what seemed like a house made out of flowers.

Seth glared at him. “Okay, shoot.”

“I think we’re lowlifes. Instead of looking for a job, we’re sitting here, doing impractical stuff like kissing and all that. We’re not exactly gaining anything here.”

“Except a higher chance of getting laid. I thought you said you just…like the company?”

“Enough sexual tension! You’re disrupting the artistic waves I’m currently absorbing scrupulously in my psyche.” Chesca interjected superfluously, waving her crayon carelessly in the air. Seth and Julian laughed for a few seconds before returning to the subject at hand, this time in low whispers.

“You raised the topic of pointlessness last time.” Julian continued, “And it bothered me. Are we doing useless things? I don’t know what we’re waiting for, anymore. I mean, I haven’t given up on R Town yet. But it seems so far away, and I don’t even…”

“…care.” Seth finished for him, looking grim.

Julian nodded. “…I’m enjoying the present too much. I know it’s bad. But I’m really happy right now. I don’t know which is more important…that I’m happy, or the happiness that should come after.”

Seth never really gave him a proper answer. They went on, holding hands and admiring Chesca’s work of art. Many months went by and Seth was told many times to get himself a wife and a job, but he was too happy to care. There was Chesca, his unpredictable sister; Julian, who made the wait even more special; and the bus headed to R Town, a place no one was actually sure of, but he still kept faith. Without knowledge of the bus, he wouldn’t be pleased like this, holding hands with a stranger.

Julian yearned to leave Liberty, and this was his chance at last. Seth wished to return to the outside life. These were wishes and dreams that were temporarily forgotten, mostly because the present was finally given value.

And suddenly, Liberty was given a brighter light.



VII.


It was getting dark. Another day was spent sitting on a bench situated at the edges of Liberty. The high walls towered behind them, halting the breeze. It was time to go back.

But the two were not afraid of trudging back into the city anymore. They knew that tomorrow, they would meet again. Sleeping for tomorrows was a daily routine they clearly took pleasure in.

Still, that thought of comfort still did not stop the two from staying together ‘till the last hour.’ Seth strummed and played the guitar till his fingers were sore, just so that he could spend a few more minutes with Julian.

“We should get going,” Julian stood up and gathered his things—mostly porn magazines. They tried looking at the vulgar pictures to distract themselves from kissing, but the boobs have lost all effect. Julian said that they were probably doing nasty things out of boredom, and suggested doing sports and jogging to keep their hands off each other, but they still kissed in between jogs. All other diversions proved fruitless, and kissing proved pleasurable…hence, they decided to throw away the useless stuff to focus more on what they wanted. “The old geezer’s going to murder me if he finds out I’ve closed his shop for months already.”

“Another minute.”

Julian rolled his eyes. “Honestly! We’ll still see each other tomorrow. We should actually be sick of each other, at this rate.”

“The bus might roll along at the very minute we step in Liberty.” Seth argued. It was the first time he used the bus as an excuse. Julian looked at him seriously, unfolding the meaning of his words, and understood. Love made Seth unconcerned of his situation.

“Think about Chesca. She must be missing you right now…we’ve been here all day. There are other people in your life, Seth. I’m already privileged to be one of the two.” Another excuse. Julian couldn’t believe himself; he dragged the little girl in the argument!

Seth went stiff. “Another minute wouldn’t hurt. Believe me; I care for Chesca more than you would ever know. I want to hear you sing. Okay, so I said I hated it before. Well, screw before. I want to hear you now. Please?” He smiled triumphantly when the fair boy finally ceded and sat beside him once more with a haughty look.

“Okay, what will I sing?”

“Anything. Another one of your hilarious ‘sexual’ songs, perhaps?”

Julian frowned, thinking deeply. Seth sat up and walked a few steps forward, sighing loudly as he waited in patience. “Times like this I wish I could just breathe in the air and pretend that I’m enjoying the place. But it’s so…ugh, in here.” He groaned, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. “I can’t even think effectively when I’m in this place. How could Chesca actually think that there are creative waves moving ‘round here—“

Julian cleared his throat, and the other clapped mockingly.

“Unmoved heart, you know you can’t resist me. You say you’re alright on your own, but the thought of being near me, it maddens you. Distracts you. Just come out, baby, walk a bit slower. This dance we’re at, it’s moving us closer.”

Seth walked backwards, unhurriedly, with soundless footsteps.

“Oh, you say that I’m a headache, don’t deny it. I can feel your heartbeat’s wild, so don’t even try. Lying to me, that’s why; you need me, I don’t need you to tell me that. Darling it’s so obvious, it’s a fact.”

“That really is so corny.” He began.

Julian raised an eyebrow. “Then suffer. You asked for it. Unmoved heart, I can see you looking at me. Wanting me, there goes your tongue licking your lips. Bit by bit. You undress me with your eyes. There is nothing left to hide.”






“Where do you get your songs, anyway? I never really asked.”

“You don’t need to want me, dearest, cos you can have me. I can pull you in with no worries. Unmoved heart, there’s nowhere for me to go but to you. You can lead me; rest my body on your bed. There’s nothing I want more, there’s nothing to be said.”

“Really, really corny.” Seth bit his lower lip, looking discomfited.

“And when you need me the most, I can wrap my arms around your neck. Make you feel like you belong. Baby, this won’t take long. Fingers running down my right leg, I know it’s from you. Take it where you want it to.”

For some unknown reason Julian‘s voice dropped low, and he started touching and stroking his own neck in ways inconceivable…

“Unmoved heart, here I am, unbuttoned and opened, I’m the only one. One touch and I’ll explode…one kiss and I’m done—“

Seth grabbed Julian feverishly and pulled him towards him. They kissed. It was nothing new, but it felt fresh. Their lips parted and moved impatiently, biting and sucking a bit, until Julian started pounding on Seth’s back and their lips were free, but their arms were still wrapped around each other in what seemed like a loving embrace. They panted heavily, apologizing to each other in silent grins of fulfillment.

“This is a first…the song has a positive effect on you.” Julian grinned. “And to think I made it up just minutes ago.”

Seth laughed along with him as they held hands and walked uphill to the dreary Liberty city. Julian talked excitedly about the singing career he would establish in R Town, that they would open a bar where he could sing all he wanted. Seth teased and snorted and gave Julian ample amounts of verbal abuse until the fair boy’s temper rose.

As soon as Seth reached home and dropped down on his own bed, the reality of the song hit him. He dreamt of Julian the whole night.


VIII.

Julian arrived at their spot early, so he sang out to pass time, the notes foreign in such a forlorn city. He still couldn’t believe that he was having so much fun doing absolutely nothing important. Julian loved someone and was loved back, and he was still alive, and he felt alive. Liberty was redeeming herself; even if she was rotten and sully, Julian found her agreeable. The fair boy would look at the frantic shoppers, the rushing employees, the glamorous stars, the business tycoons…and he would pity them. Yes, a man regarded as abnormal in their society pitied all those successful individuals. Beautiful people would pass by him and smirk, eyeing his pitiful clothes and his weird outward looks. Julian would smirk back, feeling their loneliness and their ruin. He felt a sense of satisfaction in watching them fall apart.

Julian knew they felt empty. He knew they were heading straight to nowhere. He knew they were fooling themselves. That was why he pitied them. Because now he had worth, he was something more for another person, and that was something no one else in Liberty had. Everybody desired love. He had it.

The fair boy felt Seth coming near and looked at him expectantly, eager to begin another wonderful moment.

Instead, his face fell. Seth looked serious, an expression Julian last seen during the first time he met him alone on the bench. The grim man brought nothing with him, not even his guitar, and this worried him.

“What's the matter? What happened? Where's Chesca? You? What? Damnit, tell me.” Julian stood up and ran towards Seth, but the taller man only embraced him. He rained Julian’s neck with kisses, first needy then desperate, his lips finally reaching his. They kissed wildly.

Julian was shocked to find out that he was actually desirable to another person, and he recalled the young man who entered his store. Fixing that wonderful memory in his mind, he continued kissing Seth, trying to be as delicious as he could be.

Seth moaned. Julian pulled away, heart racing wildly at his boldness.

“I came here to ask you if you'd like to come to my apartment.” The taller man said breathlessly, as if he just went running.

Julian trembled. He knew what this was all about. If he just went home yesterday, instead of giving in to Seth’s demands…instead of singing his heart out...

“Please. If you don’t want to…then I’ll wait—“

“—It’s not that I…don’t. But are you sure? Isn’t it too early for us to leave?”

“I want to show you something. It requires a long time. Several hours, or something. Not that long, I think.” Seth ran a hand through his hair, and this Julian noted as a habit when he was nervous. Julian noted a lot of things about Seth, and it came to him naturally...he took note of every angle and action. “B-but…oh, Julian.” He saw the fair boy tremble, looking scared and lost, and the sight weakened his resolve. “…I…fuck, never mind, I’m heading out…” He threw his arms in the air and was about to plod back, hands on his back pockets.

“Please,” Julian ran after him, holding his arm. “I was just worried that we would miss the bus. We’ve been waiting for months, Seth. You’ve been waiting for…what? Five years? I don’t want to miss opportunities. No regrets.”

“We have LIVES, damn it! We need to do other things besides waiting.” Seth looked like he wanted to push Julian away, then realization hit him. “Whoa! Okay. Y-you’re actually willing to go to my apartment? W-with me?”

Julian nodded firmly. “Yes. Now that you’ll have me. B-but the bus…”

“You want to do this when we reach R Town? So that things would be better?”

The other boy lowered his gaze nervously, shrugging.

Seth placed two firm hands on Julian’s shoulders and shook him. “Really, now. Are we both willing to risk this day?”

“The bus might come.”

“It might not come.” Seth countered.

“You’re the one who gave me hope, Seth.” Julian sighed. “And now you’re taking it away from me. You’re the one who always encouraged me. You kept on telling me that there’s this certain bus that’ll appear sometime soon, and it will take us somewhere fantastic.”

“Then I’ll wait another freakin’ year. Or years after that. Whatever. This night is an exemption. I-if it’s okay with you. I’m being selfish, I know.”

Julian smiled gently. “And I’ll wait with you.”

Seth entwined Julian’s fingers with his, leading him towards the walled metropolis. “No regrets, you said. I’ll make sure you won’t regret tonight…”

The bench was empty that evening. It looked so somber, so tragic, that every passerby who expected hearing two men singing wondered and wondered and couldn’t sleep at all.


IX.


Seth led Julian to a shady, tight alleyway that held the scent of trash and smoke—the essence of the treasures of Liberty. Julian gripped Seth tighter as he felt himself being watched by dozens of onlookers; all scavengers of the area, all wanting to escape. He closed his eyes and followed Seth’s pace, careful not to speak.

They arrived. Julian was greeted by a tall, grey building with broken windows and rotting wooden doors. Most of the tiles on the steps were missing.

“This is certainly an unhealthy place for a child to live,” Julian whispered. He couldn’t believe it; it was even worse than his room in the old man’s basement.

“What choice do we have?” Seth said bitterly. “Our house burned down and my brother’s gone. Don’t even lecture me about finding work. Come, let’s go in. Frightened? Do you want me to carry you?”

Julian glared at him as they continued. They walked up six flights of steps for the elevator was busted, and Seth led to him to a room with a yellow door, obviously painted on by a child.

Chesca was working on another painting when both men entered. She looked up and brushed the hair off her face with the back of her hand. “Oh! You’re early. My brother’s cajoling skills are quite impressive, then. Hello, Julian. I’m working on another family portrait.” Julian walked over to check her work while Seth closed the windows. “This is you and me and Seth and one of the quadruple hounds we’ll own once we get to R Town. Charming, isn’t it?”

Julian laughed sincerely. “I love it.”

“Time to go in your room, Chesca.” said Seth meaningfully.

She shrugged. “Sure. But while you’re at it, do remember to cook dinner. It’s your turn.”

“I’ll do it.” Julian offered. The little girl winked at both men and skipped back to her room, and they watched her curls bobbing up and down behind her.

The minute she disappeared there was an uneasy silence; who was going to make the first move?

“I’ll do it!” Both men volunteered simultaneously, rushing towards each other in an eager instant.

They began kissing and undressing and following all the actions as ordered by the songs Julian usually composed. They would pause and breathe loudly, gather more air, and continue to move their hands and lips, anxious to touch and hold everything they could.

“I guess it’s about time we entered my room.” Seth grunted, and Julian groaned in reply. They both went inside, fumbling with their buttons with their hips locked along the way, and landed on the bed with their hands still exploring between skin and clothing. Julian shrieked.

“God, this bed is…lumpy,” He complained. “If you were planning on shagging me, you could’ve at least prepared a better place—oh, god! This is hell.”

“What, the bench? So we could greet the R Town bus with a live show?” Seth said aggressively, pressing his mouth against Julian’s in fierce movements. “Ow, your elbow is hitting me.”

“This—room—is—bloody—foul!” Julian pushed himself up against Seth’s sweaty chest and kissed him back nonetheless, biting his lower lip. Seth lowered his weight and pressed his lips on his neck and shoulders, making marks. “I can smell the filth of Liberty in here, I can’t—mmmphhh—take it! Close the windows, if you please.”

It took Seth all his patience to leave the bed and close all the windows, cursing in between slams. He turned ‘round, ready to get it on, when he saw that Julian covered himself with the blanket. Seth rolled his eyes and pinned him down, biting the blanket with his teeth. “Off. Now. Please?”

Julian blinked back with a terrified look in his face. Upon seeing him Seth gulped and felt guilt at the pits of his stomach. He pushed his forehead down on Julian’s neck, inhaling his scent. “Sorry. I’m acting…not myself.”

The fair boy shook his head swiftly and placed a shaking hand through Seth’s hair, playing with the damp strands. “That’s not it. I just realized…wow, I’m naked. It’s the first time someone saw me naked.”

Seth chuckled. “I haven’t actually seen you naked. In fact, I think I want to see you naked right now…” He pulled on the covers, but Julian struggled. He gave him a worried look, but Julian only shook his head once more.

“I’m...not normal.”

Seth sighed impatiently. “So that’s what’s bothering you? I don’t give a damn, I’ve been with you for so long, do you think that still matters now?”

“My skin…” His voice was shaking pitifully, bare and childlike. “…White and strange…creepy…my old man keeps on telling me I look horrible…I can’t…”

Seth realized that Julian was embarrassed. He watched the tears fall without delay, and Julian gripped the blanket closer to himself, hiding his entire body from view. Seth embraced him for thirty minutes, allowing him to cry, with his unsatisfied erection still rigid against the sheets.

The desire to leave Liberty grew stronger than ever. Seth hated them all; he hated the old man who told Julian those cruel words, he hated all those who stared, he hated the Libertans, he hated the stench of his apartment, he hated that Chesca had to stay in such a hellhole, he hated that they were still stuck here. He temporarily forgot his mission because Julian brought him happiness, but now Seth realized he needed to think of how they’ll be happy for the rest of their lives.

“We’re going to R Town.” Seth whispered, cradling Julian’s head and kissing his the tip of his nose, his ears, his cheeks. Julian sobbed for a few more minutes, and then released his hold on the blanket as he enveloped Seth in a hopeful embrace. They stayed still; Julian was starting to calm down, and Seth was trying his best not to thrust against nothing.

“Promise you won’t puke.” Julian gurgled, embarrassed for all the crying. The other man beamed.

“You really think I’m such a sad person, don’t you?” Seth slowly removed the covers away and scanned Julian’s body unblinkingly, unsmilingly. “I don’t see what the matter is.”

Julian laughed and Seth growled and they could hear Chesca singing from the other side of the room as they made love. The bed was a painful obstacle they soon overcame without difficulty; their bodies soon grew used to bruises from pointy elbows and knees, especially when things turned out too wild and messy. They tossed and turned, changed places, kissed and licked and bit every piece of skin that was revealed to them…and it was surprising since the two looked frail and serious. Both men did not even try to conceal their activity; they moaned and howled as loud as they could, and the bed creaked in unison.

It was Julian’s song.

They began in the afternoon; yet in the brink of twilight they continued to play around, hands shifting positions and curling over places unreachable. Their moans drowned Chesca’s sunny singing and overpowered the heavy smell of solitude emanating from the alleys below. Seth elbowed the lampshade several times, inciting pain, and Julian shouted out various profanities he learned since his mother. All in all it was one noisy escapade.

“Oh poor Chesca!” Julian gasped out, eyes wide.

“I-it doesn’t matter if they hear us.” Seth said brokenly, wiping the dripping sweat from his eyes. “They’re just jealous, and we’re leaving this joint…anyway.”

Julian was still shivering in disbelief; yet he was proud of himself. After a moment of rest Seth got up and pulled Julian towards him, wiping his ashen skin with a towel. Then he grabbed a large sweatshirt from his closet and dressed the tired man, smiling at the irony of the situation.

“The bus could be by the bench at this exact moment.” said Julian, snuggling close to the tanned Seth as he turned the lampshade off. “It would wait for a few minutes, then leave, and it will never come back until the next twenty years. Surprisingly, that thought doesn’t even bother me one bit. Screw you, Seth.”

Seth was too exhausted and happy to speak, so he kissed him goodnight as a reply.

Both men slept peacefully ‘till noon, and were only woken up by an infuriated Chesca. The little girl pushed the door open (“No decency to even LOCK it!”) and slapped Seth’s thigh continuously with her paintbrush. His face was buried on Julian’s shoulder, who was gritting his teeth in his sleep.

“GET—GET—UP—GET—UP—YOU—PROMISED!!!” Chesca shouted scathingly, and the two men jumped up, wide awake.

“Oh gods, sorry Ches!” Julian bolted through the door wearing nothing but a wet sweatshirt. Seth groaned and went back to sleep immediately as Chesca stormed back into the kitchen and flung an apron at the fair boy’s direction.

“I’m positively a traumatized child, now.” She announced. “I’ll grow up having all these nightmares, and I would have to consult my psychiatrist every now and then. I would make such a wonderful heroine for a blockbuster film, wouldn’t I?”

The little girl chatted him up as he cooked lunch skillfully. “You didn’t cook dinner. You didn’t prepare breakfast. You’re not exactly wonderful examples of parents, are you? I had to eat leftovers. You know…inedible things left to rot in the recesses of the refridgerator.”

“Truly sorry, Ches.” Julian smoothed back her hair and kissed her forehead. He placed the plates and dishes on a square table while Chesca sorted out the utensils. “We were…we didn’t notice the time.”

“I wanted to knock, BUT!” The little sister paused dramatically with a fork in the air, “Being a remarkable and extraordinary child, I opted not to. I could hear strange noises coming from Seth’s room, and I didn’t want to mingle with you sorts of crazy people. Not last night, at least. But you’re sober now, I can talk with you. Even if you’re in your underwear. Where are your pants, by the way?”

“Oh, they’re with—oh god.” Julian ran back into bedroom, ignored a muttering Seth, rolled him over, snatched his pants, and hastily put them on. Then he rushed to the table, surprised to see that Chesca took care of everything else with a grin.



As soon as they managed to shake, scratch and scream Seth awake, they ate their first lunch together as a ‘Sort-of Family’. Seth ate all of Julian’s mushrooms, Julian hogged all the bacons, and Chesca finished her meal in a flourish, dabbing her cheeks daintily with a table napkin afterwards.

“Well, that was nice.” The little sister concluded happily. “We’re doing all the family things perfectly. Even the bickering over lunch bit.” She made a face when both men knocked over their glasses in their attempts to snatch the last scrambled egg.

“The old man is going to kill me. I’ve been gone overnight.” Julian complained once they were done. Seth patted his back in mock pity.

“Try to enjoy the family moment a bit longer, okay?” He said, and the other nodded. Chesca looked at the two and tapped her chin knowingly.

“It’s funny, isn’t it…that you two just kept on blushing these past few months, and now you’re violating the rule of conformity by—Seth, that wasn’t Julian’s leg you were stroking under the table, it was mine—ravishing each other in the name of love. I felt something weird when brother told me about your first encounter. There was fire in my dreams again, but I wasn’t afraid. It burned brightly, but looked weak. Sort of feeble. It keeps on burning on, every now and then, and I can’t control it. The flame’s too strong for me to handle. In my dreams I want to embrace the fire, but it sears my skin. Before I go, ‘oh dear, I’ve just distorted into a masochistic and inhuman figure of ineffable proportions’, I wake up. Isn’t it strange, that I’m not scared of burning?”

Seth spoke up. “I’m not afraid of fire, either.”

And she knew, deep in her heart, what he meant.

That night Seth and Julian slept on the couch while the television was left open; Chesca walked slowly towards the TV and turned it off. The two were fighting hours back; they weren’t sure if they wanted to wait anymore, they just wanted to go dating and eating dinner and sleeping together. Julian even forgot to go back to the dreadful bicycle shop that day.

“Maybe I should find work. I want to take you places, Julian. I want to take you out on dates...you know, like normal couples. So we're not normal...but I just want to make life better for you. Taking you somewhere requires money.”

“The only place I want to be in is R Town, with you two.”

“Let me at least treat you out sometime. You mentioned you wanted to make love on a comfortable bed. Allow me to grant you that opportunity.”

“That was just a stupid comment, Seth! It doesn’t matter. God, where have your dreams gone? Now I’m having second thoughts. Shit, I have doubts. It seems like we’ve wasted our time waiting at the bus stop.”

“We’ll go to R Town, I promise. But first…I want to take you out. And we need to eat normal food sometimes. Chesca…she still needs to finish school anyway. The bus will come along by then.”

“The bus doesn’t follow our schedule, Seth.”

“Oh yeah?!" Seth's face was an irritated red, "Can you tell me the schedule to R Town, then?!”

The two slept side by side on the couch that evening, after the heated row. Seth’s head was resting on Julian’s shoulder, and their foreheads were creased. The little girl watched them sadly. Love complicated their wait. Their purpose died out.

Meanwhile, the dogs barked ‘till sunrise.